YOO-HOO, Got Milk Police? It seems that a pint of flavored milk is what is “tipping” the scales for obesity in the L.A.UNIFIED SCHOOL DISTRICT. I would have never made it through school if it wasn’t for Hershey’s syrup. Mom did back flips when I switched to a bowl of cereal, or a piece of toast or even eggs, but most of the time it was only a tall chocolate milk that got me off to school.
Let’s not color-coat this milk issue. It’s LACTOSE PROFILING “plain” and simple. Instead of really believing that 16 ounces (that would be a pint for those of you who actually went to the LA Unified School District), will make a child super size, let’s do like the cigarette packs and post a warning, something like; “WARNING ! Consuming Chocolate Milk may contribute to your Fat Ass, IF you don’t go outside and PLAY”. Or, How about replacing those Missing Children posts with a picture of an obese kid, and then a skinny kid with the caption; “Playing Video Games all day will make you look like this, NOT the Milk”. Why not go after cigarettes? Liquor? Drugs? That will never happen because they produce too much “sin tax”. I don’t believe I have read an obituary that said, “Cause of Death: Chocolate Milk“.
I see a new underground movement. A Black Market for Flav-R-Straws. These were popular when I was a kid. I don’t know how they worked , but when you sucked milk through them, it gave it a “light” flavor. The chocolate was good, strawberry was gross, but why did we need vanilla? Of course , being a curious kid , I do remember that these didn’t do much for water, and Chocolate 7-up was only good for one sip. They also had this really cool flexible top that allowed you to not get up on your knees on a chair to suck on the straw. I can see it now, kids trading these straws in the school halls. “Hey Dude , I got 2 Chocolate straws, hit me up”.
TIME Magazine December 26, 1955- “Chocolate Straws. A drinking straw that turns plain milk into chocolate milk has been put on the market by Los Angeles’ Frontier Foods Corp. The Flav-R-Straw contains a strip of sugarless chocolate that dissolves in the milk passing through. Frontier Foods plans soon to add strawberry and root-beer flavors. Price: 23¢ a dozen.”
What would they have done with Fizzies ?
I see a new support group forming already, www.MOOOOOveON.org